…and I am a recovering perfectionist.
There is a good chance that if you hate public speaking, you are perfectionist. You notice all your glaring mistakes like filler words or stuttering, you’re displeased with your word choices, or maybe you keep a running tally of all the yawns that occurred during your speech. Perhaps you quickly brush off compliments and remind people of the glaring mistakes you’ve made. These tendencies easily make public speaking unbearable.
“Perfectionism”; the answer you give when asked in a job interview “What is your biggest flaw?” because you think it is actually a strength. It is a problem that plagues many professionals in many ways and for many reasons. The main reason people are perfectionists is because they feel their self-worth is generated in their performance (thanks Mom and Dad). As a result, this uber-high, self-imposed standard makes you prone to anxiety in front of an audience. To those of you who identify with this, I say to you: stop being a jerk.
Why you’re a jerk
How dare you try to be perfect? How dare you pretend perfection is even possible? To be human is to be flawed, but YOU think you should be the chosen one who rises up to God-like status and eliminate all your imperfections? Great. Let’s say that by some impossibility that you succeed. You’ll be the best the universe has to offer in public speaking skills. Now what? Think of how much higher you just set the bar for every other suffering perfectionist! Worst of all, you want to be perfect because you think your speaking is all about you and how great you look! What a jerk.
But you are a wiggly worm. Right now, you’re probably trying to get out of having your feet held to the fire by saying “Okay, I don’t actually want to be perfect at public speaking, just waaaaay better. Like, professional status”. That’s a dead end too. The problem here lies not in your skill, it lies in your acceptance of your humanity.
Come back down, Superman
Yes, I’m being cheeky by calling perfectionists jerks. Here’s the point: by definition, humans are flawed. We are not and can not be perfect. Even if you were a professional speaker, you’d still make mistakes, you’d still have room to grow. That hunger for self-worth would not be fully satisfied by obtaining greater skill. Instead, surrender to and celebrate your humanity and the mistakes you make. Every time you forget what to say, it could stand as a reminder of how you deeply you belong as a part of the human race.
In an upcoming post, I will discuss how to recover from mistakes with grace. Until then, don’t be jerk. You’re not escaping the human condition any time soon. Besides, we like you better with flaws. It makes us all feel better about our own.